Maybe I need a breather, I need fresh air. I decide to get out of my room to go out and enjoy the world outside. Anyway I need to collect my SLR camera at harbourfront and went back home.

Listening to music I just burnt on CD, make me feeling so lonely. I hate it, especially when I am sick.

Only U
Your look...such pretty
with a smile....such sweet
My only antidote of soul
to vanish loneliness
To cure my soul full of missing u
Only u

your voice...how gentle
So beautiful soul
well-mannered ways
such sincere heart
looks always shine
interpret the pureness in your heart

You are my friend, you are also everything
You faithful.....soothes my soul
You are the sign of your own love, pure forever

How peaceful this heart
Only U
Forever U place inside my heart
Only you still by my side
I wont feel sadness
I wont be lost
Because of U
Only U

The beauty.....of your look
Sweetness ..of your voice
Everything beautiful only in u
Wont able to go far from my heart
which is always lonely

Translation of Hanya Dirimu by Siti Nurhaliza

How I wish I can recover fast because I keep worrying about the unknown.

	Manage to take the panorama view at Ubin island		The tower as high as 6th storey, you can see the whole Ubin

Today I went to sleep whole day until 8pm. I just feeling lethargic nowadays and it can be unproductive.

Ridz called and asked me out for coffee. Despite knowing that I am working tomorrow, I agree to meet him at 11pm later. I am updating my friendster which was left alone for years before meeting.

We are going to watch movie named Cloverfield which I was about to anticipate to watch just now. Talking about coincidence. I find the trailer very interesting and decide to watch it later , perhaps weekend.

We are heading to cineleisure at Orchard Road. Even at night, this stretch of road is still filled with people, even more crowded in cineleisure. This place is always filled with good looking crowds. Thanks goodness, I dress up well yet simple.

The cinema 12 was very small but nice especially when you are watching the good show.

CLoverfield is really a good show, the movie is really reaching to new level of cinematography. I love it but quite disappointed w

Then after movie, we headed to Al-ameen restaurant at Jalan Jurong Kechil for supper before heading home.

I never knew that going to town on weekdays late night, can be so happening too.

In this life, I am living, I had been easily misunderstood for whom I am not always. It hurts me

I went to meet my buddy to borrow the hair shaver/cutter to him and then proceeded to the hougang mall to accompany him to buy a gift for his female co-worker.

The place is really a food heaven - I am spoilt with so much choices here. He brought me to the place outside Hougang Mall to try Nasi Ayam Penyet

When we sat down, he told me to drink fast and leave the place earlier. Sometimes, I do afraid of him doing that since he can see supernatural forms but this time, he saw unnatural forms of human. He is phobic of transvestites. There are two of them, with their family , I think for dinner. One of them suggested to sit beside us. I could see awkwardness in my buddy's expression.

He really dislike transexuals

Well, I used to fear them and even despise them a lot until, I got to know them better and understand that they are just human with brave decision to decide their own life what they want to be, even though it is against the law of nature.

I do had transvestites friends and they can be so much better and prettier than any girls. I do still have fear when I am close with them especially the ones bigger than me.

Irs decided to bring me to eateries at Jalan Kayu for dinner. It had been a long time I went to to Jalan Kayu, about 10 years ago. We sat inside and order Nasi Bryani, ommelete and mee goreng basah for him.

The place is filled with all sort of lifes, mostly happening and quite good looking crowds. The food was just ok, but I did not try the famous roti prata here. I was really super hungry after 3 days of having soup only.

Then I drove him home and I went back home and rest.

I am still not feeling well and my appetite is not that good anyway. I feel like doing everything but end up having a long sleep.

I felt lethargic and tired.

Nothing!

When we grow older, we are burden with more responsibilities, sometimes unnecessary.

Today I went to buy daily contact lenses at Gek Poh Ville Shopping Mall, before heading to the granny's house to fetch my parents. Most of my relatives were there to visit my grandmother who is just discharged from hospital.

They were discussing how to look after my frail grandma among the siblings. As for me, I could not be bothered with such situation when I myself engulfed with many uncertainties.

My life is messy at the moment.

Then I sent my auntie/uncle home at Boon Lay, then went to Sheng Shiong with parents to buy grocery. The place already celebrate Chinese New Year already. I paid for the grocery since I bought quite big portion for myself. I need healthy diet and told my mum about my current health situation.

Then I need to go to NUH because my mum wanted to bring the baby stuff at home to give to my sis because her baby girl was being warded at hospital for stomach flu.

Stomach flu is contagious; My sis just got it from her baby girl.

When we were about to leave, my mum advised me to wash my hands and face and when we reached home, she passed me Yakult drink for consumption.

I am tired of all these responsibilities of being a son sometimes.

I drove to Suntect city as early as 7am to attend the seminar on Youth Olympic Games.
I was alone when I was supposed to be accompanied by the youths.The feeling was terrible when the people who attended were mostly holding big post in organization.

I just endured 4 hours and got out of the place fast. Then I decided to go Raffles California Gym for a workout since I had made an appointment with instructor for kickfit session.

I went for a jog and simple arm workout before meeting the fitness consultant for body analysis.


Results was not very good, really not good.

I was quite disappointed with the analysis of my own body.

I had 12 kg of fats in my body and that was quite shocking because it was really a large amounts of fats

I had flabby muscles, low metabolism rate, my BMR sucks, and I had edema, which is not a good thing. I was advised to consult the doctor in case it increased. I was like a walking disease just seeing those piece of paper.

Surprisingly, my left arm is stronger than my right one.

Then, I was being introduced to Kris Leow, fitness instructor for kickfit. I was quite excited to try the kickfit programmes but then I was overdoing the session to much and hard. I overexert myself which cause super strong heartbeat. I almost die of breathelessness.

I just hated the unnecessary attention given to me in the gym when passer-by just stopped and watched. Hence, I need to look garang and hit real hard and proper. Why life is always full of drama when we can opt for simplicity?

Do I need to live for others, still?

Then after that, I was enticed to join the kickfit programme by Kris who promised me to get rid of my 12 kg of fats in my body fast.

I need that motivation and encouragement by people, and I did not mind paying more for great result. I also need to do my part for the programmes of looking good and feeling great.

After that, I felt really weak and sick suddenly.I really hoped it was not the side-effect of Xenadrine I bought long ago. My heart was feeling painful and whole body ached like hell.

I went for a long nap to catch up with the less sleep just now. Then I went to pasar malam before to buy some food. Later at night, I went to meet my buddy for awhile.

We went to Lau Pa sat for drink and spin around like butterflies, to feel the midnight breeze and serenity. I just feel lighter despite a painful heart.

I did not want to be like MC King. I am afraid, too early.

Today's meeting stretched to 5pm. I was too tired to really wanted to go out to chill out for weekend.

I was actually quite pissed by old friend's sms regarding about the social meet-up together on weekend. I was really bothered by the way he interpret us as somebodies who waste his time and money where he can save money or even get settled down fast and get married.

Seriously, I seriously did not what's in his mind today. Save $8 for today and can get married tomorrow? I was quite disappointed but I did understand his situation too. Everyone has different objective in own life.

Maybe we should not be just a spectator but a participant, be there to lend a crying shoulder for their woes and there to celebrate their achievements.I should endear myself to their experiences, I'll start treasuring the wonderful moments with them.

I'll begin to cherish their existence.

Life is not a lonely struggle.

I respect his decision and his way of life. Who wants to change other people personality to fit mine or even other. But sometimes, we do need to be open-minded to embrace positive changes for my own life and do it gradually.

For now, old friend, best of luck for your future.

Then at 10pm, Ridz came to fetch me from home to head to Bugis for a catching-up session. We had dinner at Tong Seng Foodstall for awhile since I did not have a proper meal just now because my parents went out. I had fish soup noodle only.


We decided to go and watch movie, Aliens VS Predator 2.

I always love movies, Aliens and its sequel. I would never got bored watching it again and again;however I was not a fan of predator though.

The movies is quite empty because we watched 11.45 show.

After that, we went to cheese prata shop at Clementi Road for supper. I just ordered plain prata and a coffee. The place was always filled with good looking people who are mostly undergraduates from NUS. Thanks goodness, I dressed well despite not feeling well.

Then Ridz went for a spin around NTU with me to welcome the nostalgia when we both were undergraduates in NTU and even a roomates before in hall 14. I did not had any good experiences in NTU.

It was a lonely journey during the NTU times. My low-esteem that time caused me to become someone unapproachable.

But I did miss my close friends I made here. Where are they now?

Today I went back home to bring my mum to Singapore General Hospital, accompany by aunt Maria at 3pm. It was raining heavily on the way to there but I still drove as much fast as ever.

Then I had tea break first while my mum and aunt Maria waited for her turn to visit doctor. I had Nasi Ayam as usual as part of staple diet. The thing about hospital, I feel like walking along the sanctuary of loss.We are haunted by things we might never understand. Sadness and loses , human here were dealing at the moment.

Looking at the people around me, I feel like giving them a hug of comfort but who will give me then when I need one deseprately. Life is so fragile

My mum was advised to go for operation to get rid of the growth below her belly which disrupt her urinary tract. She was worried about the operation , especiall when she heard from her friends about unsuccessful operation.

Sometimes, we do need to take risk for the benefit of our own. She decided to agree with operation.

We had meals a while before heading home.

Along the way home, we just witness a motorcycle skidded on the road , nearly hit the car in front, it happened so fast and just beside us. Life is so fragile, again. Luckily for him, the road was congested a little,hence no fast incoming vehicle time. He managed to stand up and take his bike to the side.

Then I drove to Hougang to fetch my buddy and then help to send his friend home at Bukit Batok. We had dinner at Al- Ameen restaurant at Jalan Jurong Kechil.

Then We went to Clarke Quay to just hang out by the Singapore River, before going back home.

I love mind games.

My mum asked me if I can leave early tomorrow because she wants me to look after my niece when she and my auntie(in-law)are going to SGH to askf or enquiries about her operation on her ailment recently.

She even told me that my grandmother was being hospitalized just now when she came back home. Later my niece vomitted all the milk she fed earlier.

The puddle of her milk earlier was spilled on the floor. I felt like a parent to her nowadays because I was the one who took care of her.

My sister had to attend the school camp which required her to stay overnight in school but her husband would stay in our house to look after the girl here in case she may not got used to leaving her parents around.

At 12 midnight, she cried and cried for I did not know the reason and I did not want to be busybody to take a look. Then at 3am, my sleep was disturbed by her cries again, this time, I heard my mum's voice, coaxing the girl sweetly. She really cried loud.

After a while, I went back to sleep.

Health is a treasure we need to look after.

It feels good to receive praise from people, especially people of higher status. But it is wrong of me to be humble with compliments, instead of saying brief thank-you reply.

Compliments are like candy, sweet and addictive.

Anyway it does brighten my day today.

The term role model has passed into general use to mean any "person who serves as an example of a positive behavior". I was being complimented as a role model for younger generation, which did me tickled somehow.

In such a popular culture,

In popular culture, it would be very difficult for me. What's popular could never emcompass what's good, unfortunately to other. Popularity games is fun and exciting and those things are confused with goodness or good capability.

Role models for anyone, I think, are usually and most effectively found in one's real life.I did my best to inculcate some good behavior and inspire the the generation through mentoring and learning, without compromise my personality. It was quite hard when older generation cannot accept my way of representing to the society.

I won't give up just for minority when I was doing my work well and proper. I won't change myself for other but rather improve myself through better skills to upgrade my profession as not a popular being and better or even best being.

Tonight I am meeting my old buddies at Taman Jurong and had chit chat at Jurong Park near Tang Dynasty. Despite peaceful surrounding, it was kinda of scary especially when I did have almost close encounter with such supernatural beings.

Depression comes only when you are looking for it.

I hated staying till wee hours and wasted my sunday by sleeping. I spent my whole day working rather than resting.

Busy week this week and I already had butterfly in my stomach AT home.

Selecting the right birthday present for me can be perplexing for my friends because they really do not know what's I like actually.

Birthday gifts should be individual and relevant. Spend a little time trying to find the right birthday present that aligns with the my interests. This will not only make the gift appealling, but tell me you really care. After all, that is what gift giving is really about.

Today I manage to choose my own birthday gift. Chen Xing went to fetch me at Jurong Point, then fetch Richard at Queensway Shopping Centre. We headed to Heeren Shopping Centre for gift shopping. We walked around and managed to get what I had liking for before.

A converse gym bag.

I had so many things to buy here but chen xing did not like the place at all and want to leave the place as possible. Then we had dinner at Ricetable Restaurant at Cuppage Centre. They told me that this was a great choice made by me for long time and I was just rolled eyes because I did not have much choice to made in terms for food.

I cannot eat PORK.

After that, we had activities difference. Richard suggest karaoke which I loathe so much and clubbing which Chen xing loathe so much. I suggest to wtach movie at lido, since there is no much choices at cineleisure. Even, watching movie, we had difference over what kind of movies to watch.

Sometimes, sacrifice my time, money and choice for them is really not worth for them. I gave and take by choosing karaoke instead but of course I would get bored and listening to their croaking and making fool of themselves there. They probably sung all the chinese despite the conditions set by them.

Their conditions:
1) They will sing two chinese songs then, song of my choice
2) They will only sing for two hours

It was true. Conditions not fulfilled. Maybe I was too ridiculous not to join the fun and just be an idiot and sing.

I am karaokeaphoic. I hate singing. I was traumatised by so-called friends who told me that I am tone-deaf, CMI voice and other abusive , low-morale words hurling at me when I was young.

Hence, I told myself that I would not sing anymore, unless to a special one. Actually, I was dreaming of singing one Indonesian love song to someone special on my wedding dinner ceremony. I was secretly practising that song hard.

But in karaoke pub, No way. I had enough of karaoke session.

I put up with them for two hours, then time went fast and it extended to 15 minutes....20 minutes....then 25 minutes..... I told them off that the promise was already made. If I did not see them outside the Party World karaoke pub by 10 minutes, I just took a cab and went home.

I loved such threat because they thought I could be easily dealt with.

Promise made.

Then we headed to the carpark at cairnhill plaza and parked to public carpark opposite international plaza. We went to chen xing's office to collect his cheques, which could not be found at his desk.

I looked outside his office and see overall view of Orchard Road. The road was back to normal and dull again after the christmas decorations were taken down.

We went back to the Richard's area and have a interrogative session about my personal life which I prefer not to disclose.

At 5am, we went back home and hit the sack.

Today I went to Hougang to fetch my buddy to go out for celebration. He wanted me to bring to this nice stall which sells NICE fish n chip which is one of my favorites delicacies @ Toa Payoh Central.

The fish n chips is ok, but the fish fillet tastes great n juicy. It does remind me of the chinese Channel 8 sitcom named Happy Fish.

We walked around the Pasar Malam and browsing. I did manage to get myself a white belt.

Then we visited the Courts Superstore for awhile.

I felt like buying a LCD TV 32 inch for my room. Those flat TV. I was told by the saleperson there. It will be nice to know that plasma TV, compared to LCD TV, is not worth buying. It has short working life and generates heat and radiation from the screen. Hence it needs more energy. The screen itself is a glass, once broken considered useless.

The brand he suggested was JVC, the Japanese brand which is quite popular among the consumers of Courts. I looked at the price and informed the salesperson that I needed to discuss with my mum regarding this. He nodded.

Then, he told my buddy, I am mummy's boy, need to inform mum first.

*rolls eyes*

Then I sent him home and before I went back home, I received the ever first birthday gift from my buddy for this year.

I was looking for more.

Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19

CAPRICORN MAN
A man in this Zodiac will has a pair of round big beautiful eyes, a nice structure jaw line. He is a good listener and can understand everything easily and clearly. He can guess what you will say before you even say it.
He often shakes his head or touch his hair. He is a big built, but he will tend to have a small ear. He tends to have a darker shade of hair and eyes' color. He will likely have a short and strong neck, broad shoulder, muscular, strong hands and grips. He has a shorter fingers compare to the man of the same size and same height in the other zodiac. His hands can work well at the same time can protect and care for his woman.

His height will be proportional to his weight. He will walk firmly and always take a big long step. As he walks he will look around in caution with no disturbance from his problems at present or in the past. He likes to watch things built with fascinate and wonder about how it is done, so you could see him watching a construction site and not get bored.

He is a good dancer. He is a careful person in instinct, so even at dance floor, he will already have to know what in front or behind him before he will take any steps.

Green is his favorite color. You will mostly see him wear green, navy, blue, or brown. In all 12 Zodiacs, he is the one who can get the most satisfaction from possession of beautiful thing, and cherish it as if it is very valuable to him even it is just a crystal ball made in France.

It is his luck that he hardly has to chase after woman. They always come themselves without his invitation. He likes to treat his guest in his house than visiting his guest at their house. He does not like to be a center of attention, so if you need his help, you have to look up for him. He lives his life in stability and simplicity. Every decision made are already "Sure" and carefully thought out. He will not do what he has been asked to do if he
is not interested in doing it. He acts casually but in reality, he always doing things seriously.

He loves peaceful and quiet environment so in his free time, he will stay at home instead of going out and look for adventure. He loves nature and dreams of a nice and quiet house with lots of trees, or he may dream of a house in a beautiful countryside.

He will let you have freedoms and watching you in a distance. If you are over doing something, he will let you know by his icy cold look. He is the perfect lover in all the Zodiac for nothing he will not do for his love one. He won't allow people to laugh at him or think he is a joker, so he will spent for himself luxury for what it is worth.

He likes neat and well dressed woman, so do not be a slop if you are dating this guy. If you do that he will loose his face. He is the romantic type who would dance with you under the moon light.

Love will make him shines and you will see it in his face. He will not say it out loud, you have to know it yourself.

90% Correct about the description ( those in italic are not necessarily true)

I started working today, seriously I did not look forward to it at all. Dressed in Calvin Klein Shirt I bought at Bandung, with black pant, accompany decent looking hairstyle, I was ready for the challenges I WAS going to face.

After that, I drove my mum and dad to the homeopathic clinic at tradehub 21 @ Jurong East for awhile. I was quite tired actually but responsibility is too big for me and I could feel it.

Does ageing take its toll and I start losing my energy and stamina.IS ageing brutal?


Signs of andropause is when men notice a gradual loss of energy, decreased stamina, loss of libido, sexual dysfunction and the dreaded “middle age bulge”. It is scary.

After that, I took a long nap that I almost missed the dinner appointment with my close friends. It took a while for me to wake up and get ready. It was raining still.

I took taxi to Takashinmaya S.C. which cost me about $24. I walked to the Seoul Garden and met Richard. We went inside and waited for Chen Xing to arrived from his workplace at Ubi.

Richard smsed me that no one would like to celebrate his/her birthday alone.

Chen xing, always came with ever dramatic events. Today he confronted this uncle for pointing middle finger at him at carpark at Paragon. He even took a picture of him using camphone and asked him to come out to settle but that guy did not even bothered him. THe reasone that guy did on him because he took sweet time walking on the road, hogging the car.

We took all the barbeque food and some other cooked foor to eat. It cost three of us $77++ only. I tried cooking mee goreng for them using the limited space of hotplate. Surpisingly, the mee goreng taste good.

Chen xing has japanese way of eating beef. Firstly, dip the beef on the hot soup, for us, we choose tom yam soup base, then quickly dipped on raw egg batter and eat straight away.

It had been a long time I ate raw eggs during my workout regime.I hate the smell and it was really hard to swallow those thick stuff through the mouth.

we stayed from 8.30pm to close of the Seoul Garden. I believed we wasted a lot.

Then we digested our stomach by walking along the Orchard Road, enjoying the christmas decorations before they started to be taken out. We stopped outside Esprit Shop and sat down and did people-watching while chatting about taking holidays and life as per normal.

I am sad not because I did not get any birthday present, but I am sad because things happened almost everyday which really drained me too much that I lose my optimism.

New hairstyle for New Year - Young looking and clean image	The last xmas decoration before being taken down later	Watching TV console while waiting for my friends to buy ciggies

Then at 12 midnight, we went back home as the next day we need to work.
Before I was heading to sleep, my mum said to me:"I am still sick and cannot move around much, but the only I can offer is a kiss from me."

She kissed me on my cheek and went back home.
So sweetness.

I chilled out with my close buddy at his house, watching movie while eating some McDonalds meal. I slept over at his house because I was too tired to drive back home.

I received about 40++ smses of new year greeting when I woke up. I spent hours to reply. I sent Andy to Pasir Ris, then headed to home.

THe whole day is about getting ready for tommorow and also spring cleaning my ever-forever messy room.

2008.

New Year is the time for me to look back to the past, but then I did not even forward to the coming year. It's a time to reflect on the changes I want (or need) to make and resolve to follow through on those changes.

I am not sure my resolution last year was completed.

For sure, this year I wanted to be bad-ass guy because evil guys can get what they want and won't get caught easily. I have many living examples of assholes.

I always expect that my plan can and will change.

Life has a funny way of throwing unexpected things at us, and flexibility is required to complete anything but the simplest goal.

Mostly, I want to stay energised and youthful like I did 10 years ago.

Being younger(looking), means getting more opportunities to succeed and of course more attention which contribute big percentges of self-confidence.

Call me superficial, Age is just number quote is too cliched and I know my body is degenerating with times. It is time to slow down the process and takes time to enjoy life steps by steps.

I am believer, I hope.

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December 2007

January 2008

May 2008

November 2008

December 2008

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